I told you whoever is out there in the world of the internet (besides my husband) reading this that my life has been busy......but here I am, over a month has passed since my last post on this blog that has been my little piece of sanity through my crazy days.

Can it be that Christmas is here? My heart has been hurting these past few days for a friend who has lost two babies this year. How could she find the strength to celebrate this joyous time of year? How can my parents who have lost so many things find joy during Christmas? How can my friend Kris celebrate Christmas without her husband who passed away this year? Why do we have to experience such heart wrenching things?

For Christmas this year at my church I'm directing the choir in a song that speaks to this....
"My soul, my soul
magnifies the Lord.
My soul magnifies the Lord.
He has been good to me so good to me."

It's been hard for me to sing this for the past week just thinking of my friends and family who have lost so much this year. But then I feel as if God gently reminds me saying: it's not what we've lost, but what you have gained. Stop thinking of the sad, think of the good that has happened this year. My soul must magnify the Lord. Why? Because he has been good to me. So simple. Yet to swallow the good and to spew out the bad....that's a hard thing to accomplish. So, for those of you whomever you might be, during the next 10 days until we celebrate the arrival of the King, magnify the Lord for the great things he has done in your life. Here are the 10 things that I will praise Him for what he has done this year for me.

1. Gave me my son
2. A house to live in
3. A loving family
4. A job
5. Provided for me financially
6. Allowed me to heal from my C-section without complication
7. Brought my brother home safely from Afghanistan
8. Gave me new friendships
9. Gave me new depths of patience and strength
10. My supportive, loving, kind husband



how will your soul magnify the Lord?

It has been too long since I've blogged. Oh I hope that doesn't become the norm while I post. But, as many new moms know and well, anyone who has anything going on in their life besides watching TV all day would know, life. is. busy. But today, I wanted to share especially with one of my dear friends who is expecting her first child in late winter. As a new mom, there were certain things I swore I would not do. And as I also work at a school, I see too many things that I don't want to do and too many moms I don't want to be like. So, while I was pregnant, me and my holier-than-thou attitude thought of the many things I would NOT allow my child to do.

1. no pacifier. ever. word to the wise: if the baby wants it, give in. if me & the hubby both needed braces, chances are, so will my kid. Especially while baby is teething...oi vei.
2. no t.v. word to the wise: when the baby is screaming with no end in sight, you'll try anything.
3. no jarred food. word to the wise: making enough baby to have at every meal every day with a growing kid is tough. work. and for some reason I didn't think through when I traveled with the baby what I would do for food....
4. nothing but organic. word to the wise: not everything comes in organic. must. be. flexible.

ah, blogging.....

life has been way too busy. i hate that.

I like being able to enjoy my days, shoot the breeze, hang with friends, make delicious meals for the hubby, yadda yadda yadda. Needless to say, life has been way busy. We are moving in t-minus 3 weeks, the hubby is having surgery tomorrow, I've gone back to work part time and Isaiah has decided that sleeping through the night is no longer for him.

I have been able to use my baby food maker and that makes me happy. way happy. Isaiah has been eating sweet potatoes, squash and pumpkin and gobbles it all up. It's been so much fun watching Isaiah grow. and grow. and grow. He's almost 19 weeks and he's getting into that cute chunky leg phase.

my mind is kind of all over the place....i feel like a dandelion that has just been blown and all of my pretty poofy pom-pom pieces are all in the air. All I know is that I've started to enjoy caffeine....and toffee mochas from starbucks. yum.

packing is calling my name. oh wait. that's my mum telling me to pack and to stop procrastinating. :)

my sweet baby boy.
he's growing so quickly.
not exactly growing "up" but growing.
he already fits into 6 month clothing.

this picture i'm for sure going to have to enlarge and frame.
it's his new favorite thing~being high in the sky. that and fans.
he melts my heart.

this is his new toy I got for him.
it's one of those "activity saucers."
he loves it.
he's obsessed with standing. and color.
we've been dealing with weaning him from
swaddling and the "dream feed" and with
him entering his 4th month of life.
that. means. solid. food.
i can't wait to bust open my baby food maker.


I've been trying to find a life verse for Isaiah. It's a lot more challenging than I had initially thought it would be. I mean, this verse is to kind of be a testament of what his life should look like. What we desire for him, what we believe the Lord desires for him. I've been reading Proverbs in the morning while I feed Isaiah. It truly is my little piece of heaven time. Isaiah for the most part is peaceful while he eats, and I can focus most of my thoughts toward heaven and towards the Word. I read this in Proverbs a few days ago: "My son, do not forget my teaching, But let your heart keep my commandments; For length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you. Do not let kindness and truth leave you; Bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good repute in the sight of God and man. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your body and refreshment to your bones." ~Proverbs 3:1-8 It really is a beautiful thing to read the Word and pray specifically for these things that are said in these verses while staring at my darling son. I will treasure these moments forever.

italia

I've been waiting to post about one of the best times of my life. And, the time has come! Exactly a year ago, Brian and I decided to take a trip to the beautiful, magical country of Italy. We wanted to take one last big trip before trying to have kids. Kind of like our last "hoorah." Italy is such a beautiful place. The food is to die for, the people friendly, the culture unprecedented to any other country, the art, the museums, the country side......the tiramisu.
We started in Venice. I've dreamed about going to Venice since I was 15. I have no idea why, probably because of World History class in high school. It seriously looks like what you see in movies and in pictures:

This was the view from our hotel room. It's really a crazy city when you think about it. I mean, the whole thing is seriously built on water. We left our window open all night long and you would hear the gondoliers glide by talking to each other.

Speaking of gondolas....









After Venice, we rented a car and drove to Cinque Terre. I love this place. It's quaint, quiet, pure Italy. Untouched by time. It was here, on our 4th day in Italy that I took a pregnancy test and that little square turned red with a positive sign.

This was the view from our "hotel." Which in Italy usually means our version of a bed and breakfast. On the right side of this picture (the green hill) is where they grow their own grapes and make their own wine and grappa. Once I told Brian that we were going to be parents A LOT sooner than expected, he threw open the doors to our balcony and yelled "I'm going to be a daddy!" The little town didn't seem to mind the disturbance.


I celebrated my 25th birthday while in Italy. On that day we spent our last day in Cinque Terre, then drove to Pisa and saw the leaning tower (except all I could think about was from the Goofy Movie where they call it the leaning tower of pizza), and then went to the beautiful city of Florence. I loved Florence. The art, the history, the museums....the gelato. Oh heavens the gelato. I want to go back to Florence just for the gelato.

I don't take pictures of my food. ever. it's stupid. What's the point? BUT gelato, it deserves its own picture. This gelato was organic gelato. The creamiest, smoothest, sweetest gelato we had on our whole trip. I think we went there 4 or 5 times and we were in Florence for only 4 days. We were a tad obsessed with it. A guy from Colorado took our picture here. Us Americans gotta stick together. It was always refreshing to be able to carry on a conversation with someone and not have to use hand gestures.




After Florence, we drove to Tuscany. Amazing. The Italian countryside is absolutely breathtaking. We were in Tuscany just a couple weeks before they were going to harvest the grapes to make their wine. Everywhere you turned there was vineyards. We stayed at the southern tip of the Chianti wine region. We stayed in a castle. It was amazing. The countryside in Italy is God's country.....our version of God's country is flat wide open spaces. I prefer Italy. :)


After Tuscany we drove to our final destination: Rome. Ah, Rome. After taking the train into Rome we were walking on the cobblestone streets and we looked up one street and there peeking at us was the magnificent Colosseum. Rome is amazing. I know I keep using that word, but to be in a place with such rich history.....there are no words to describe it. I mean, to be standing in the Colosseum and to realize the history there. To see the Arch of Constantine and to know that because of him, the Roman Empire went from a God-less nation to a God centered nation. amazing. To see the Vatican, to see St. Peter's Cathedral....the magnitude of it all.....awe inspiring.

I leave my blog with one final picture. I took this picture while we were driving from Tuscany to Rome and I must admit, one of the only things I wanted to see while in Italy was the fields of sunflowers. You know, like the fields of sunflowers that you see in the movie Under the Tuscan Sun? But, we missed the sunflowers. They had all been harvested. Who knew? The sunflowers actually have a purpose.


This was the beginning of our journey of parenthood. I've changed from a year ago. I'm in a place of contentment, true happiness, joy, love and a willingness to change and to challenge myself deeper than I ever thought I could do. I am trying to live by the beautiful saying that the Italians live by: l'arte d'arrangiarsi~the art of making something out of nothing.

grow. I saw this sign today while in Carlsbad with my mum...I love it. I love the simplicity of the sign and the beautiful sunflower as a centerpiece. :) But it got me thinking. We all want to grow in some way or another. And there has been a lot of growing in my life in the past few weeks. Isaiah is growing so quickly. He's more alert, he's aware of his surroundings, obsessed with ceiling fans, eager to stand and loves the way his hands look. I'm growing. Hopefully not on the outside but on the inside. Although I do think my hair is growing at a rapidly swift pace. Brian and I are facing many changes and I'm not totally flipping out (growth for sure). My faith is growing....deeper in my faith and relying on the unseen beauty of Christ.

I think this is how I want to decorate my house when we finally have a house that we are going to live in for a substantial amount of time. A garden inside my house. It's so peaceful and relaxing. :)

Growth is an important thing in all of our lives. Think about it....where is growth happening in your life?

I feel like I've been posting super "deep" things recently, so here is what Isaiah and I have been up to this past week.

The first visitor we had come visit us last week was lifelong family friends Brittanie & Debbie. I've known Britt since she was 2 years oldish and here she is, a recent high school grad about to embark on the road of college. She's so brave. She is leaving So Cal and going to Minnesota for college! Eeek! She'll wow them all with her stunning personality and infectious laugh.




The next visitor of the week was Brian & I's dear friend Eric.
He's leaving So Cal too and moving up North. He came to say bye to Brian & I. Here are the 3 boys together....they look like a happy couple. He he he he. :)



The NEXT visitors that came were Edel & Alyce. We've been friends with them for a really long time and they have recently moved out of the area as well. BUT....they are pregnant! It's so exciting to have another friend about to embark on such a wild, crazy, wonderful journey. Alyce spent the day with me at the mall experiencing for probably the first time what her life will most likely look like in t-minus 7 months. While Alyce & Edel were up visiting, the Parson's came by too! I didn't get a picture of them though....but it was great seeing them and catching up.




After Alyce & Edel left, it was time to celebrate my mum's birthday. She wanted to go to the beach, so Brian, Isaiah and I drove down to Carlsbad and spent a few hours with my parents. Isaiah actually did fairly well all things considered. I've realized that he hates it when I have to use the hooter hider....he is so nosy and just wants to see EVERYTHING! I gotta start bringing a bottle with me when I know he'll have to eat in public. Don't mind the girl and her butt in the background. :)


It was a busy week, but so much fun. I love seeing friends and family and having them be a part of not only my life, but my son's life. It's great memories no matter how much screaming or sweating that happens. :)

Break my heart for what breaks yours
Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause
Show me how to love like you
Have loved me

I love this song. Those Aussies really know how to get down to the nitty gritty of life. But as I sang this song this weekend, I asked myself, what breaks my heart that also breaks the Father's? Have I become so numb to the injust things that happen in this world? Have I turned a blind eye to things? I know what breaks my heart. Seeing children go hungry. Young girls who lose their innocence by being sold into sexual slavery. Families forced to live on the street. Girls trying to be an image in a magazine. Pornography. Judging. Selfishness. Abandonment. People who feel so lonely that they need to end their life. And then I hear a small quiet voice ask, now what will you do about it? I must make a difference. But where to begin?

Why are we scared to do what we love? Where in life do we stop dreaming and start becoming mundane? Why are we scared of change? Three dear friends today told me that they want to do something bigger and better. They want change. Not change like our "lovely" President wants change, but change in their soul. I suppose life starts to get in the way and we lose the life our soul desires. wants. needs. I believe that, God wants us to live life brilliantly. To live for Him, absolutely, but to find what we really want out of life and to go for it. You know, balls to the wall. We have our hearts desires yet why are we so scared to look within to see what those desires are? So here I am starting to ask myself, what do I want to do with my life. What do I want to be remember as? I know, extraordinary. But here I am, still trying to figure out how to be that. Is listening to a friend extraordinary? Is offering advice extraordinary? hmmmm.....

To the love of my life,
don't allow yourself to be brought down by money. Allow yourself to fluff those feathers and spread your wings and soar. You are a man of large dreams and you can accomplish any of them. We won't hold you back we will only support you and help you achieve. Having dreams are important, but it's more important to go after them. Don't spend your life wishing you could have gone after what you want. do it. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.

swaddling. For the first 2 months of Isaiah's life he loved being swaddled. And then, all of a sudden, poof! he hated it. It's kind of funny that it happened last night, because 2 days ago the hubster and I decided to go against the advice of our pediatrician (who said to stop swaddling him because he's getting too big for it) and to keep swaddling him. I guess Isaiah must have been listening in on the conversation. Speaking of my pediatrician, Isaiah had his 2 month check up this past week and he is doing so incredibly great! He's growing tons and is in the 92 percent tile for height. Yowzerz! The Doc also informed us that we should start baby proofing our house soon because our little dude is going to be one of "those kids" who crawls and walks a lot sooner in life. super. He also said that we should probably start working out how we would discipline said dude because he thinks he'll be "that kid" who likes to test the boundaries and can be a tad stubborn. double super. So, to sum it up, according to the doc, he's got by stubbornness and the hubby's smarts. Sounds like a killer combo.

On the ECO front....have you ever stopped to see what kind of chemicals you use in your house? Or to see how MANY chemicals you use in your house? I've been making the switch to all organic house cleaners for the past few months and I have to say, I love everything I've been using. Seventh Generation makes great All Purpose Cleaner, Dish Soap and Toilet Bowl Cleaner that I love. I love the smell of it, how it cleans and of course the fact that I'm not putting harsh chemicals back into the water. My tile floors have been a challenge but I've been pretty happy with Mrs. Meyer's All Purpose Cleaner for the floors. A reason it is SO important to have organic cleaner especially for the floor is because a) my dog licks the floor constantly and b) my kid is going to be crawling on it eventually. I don't want either of them to be breathing in harsh fumes or to be putting chemicals into their mouths. I actually think John Travolta's kid had some sort of brain problems or maybe autism due to harsh chemical fumes. Bleach and other chemicals might work great, but you gotta think about what it's doing to your family's health.......

The hubby wanted me to blog. Well, he more has been nagging me all day when I was going to post again. I don't understand why-he's sitting right next to me and knows my deepest thoughts. What could I say that he hasn't already heard? I don't know. But here I am. Blogging.

I've realized that watching TV and being on my computer while Isaiah sleeps is starting to get mundane. So, for a change of pace, and for my brain, I picked up a book today while at Target and started reading. I love reading. The problem is, is that I get side tracked way too easily and then forget to finish the book. So, I grabbed "Eat, Pray, Love" and am loving it thus far. I figured I could read it quickly and then go see Julia Roberts bring it to life. And since a third of it takes place in Italy, maybe I'll know some of the sights she talks about and can relive that wonderful trip in my head.

On the baby front.....
My child is addicted to standing up. It's assisted standing, but he loves it. He actually gets this really REALLY focused look on his face, turns red and grunts all while trying to use those chicken legs of his. It's really cute. He'll probably end up being on of "those kids" that bypasses crawling and goes to walking....so excited for the next phase hope he doesn't miss just being held.

sleep

sleep.
something i've dreamed about for oh, the past 6 1/2 weeks plus the third trimester of pregnancy.
i finally got sleep. legit sleep.
Isaiah slept through the night! Not just one night, but TWO nights! It was a crazy thing to wake up and feel the sun on me and realizing that I didn't wake up at all the night before to feed him. After the hubby turned to me and asked if I fed him in the middle of the night and I said no, I really had to think about....did I or did I not feed him last night? Maybe I was only half awake and don't remember? But, no I did not feed him! It was a beautiful thing. It's funny what happens to you once you become a mom. I'm proud of my son for sleeping through the night~such a silly milestone when I say it out loud, but important to me none the less. I can't imagine how proud I'll be when he graduates from Kindergarten, or when he catches a baseball for the first time, or when he takes his first steps....I've become one of those crazy parents. But, I guess we all have it in us to be "those crazy parents" and we all want to be them. I've dreamed of being a parent for pretty much as long as I can remember and when I look at my son, I can't believe it's here. I'm soaking in the moments with this truly precious gift from heaven....however cheesy and sappy it sounds.

Goodnight my dear son. May you forever have a good nights rest.

my brother, the solider

my brother. 4 years and 2 days younger than me. i love this guy. i would lay down my life for him if i had to. but he's the one laying down his life for me. we fought most of our childhood. but we understand each other now.

Noah is currently fighting for our freedom in Afghanistan. This picture was taken the day he graduated from Corpsman school. You sound it out like core-man...unlike how our lovely President sounded it out multiple times during a speech to the nation. Noah sees things that I only see in movies. I always knew that Noah would be in some sort of military job....he wanted to take care of people and to help them. We played tons of cops and robbers, he was obsessed with fire trucks, and our older brother was in the Army so from a young age he loved camo. Actually, if I remember right, Noah accepted Christ while watching a fire truck drive by with its sirens on. I can't imagine what Noah goes through on a daily basis in Afghanistan. He faces shooting daily, has to take care of a bunch a Marines, and has to live in a legit desert. with no freezer. crazy. Our make belief growing up is now his reality.

I am proud of my brother. I love my brother. I miss my brother. Come home swiftly to us Noah. Stay safe. Fight hard. We support you and the cause. Because of you, the fight hasn't come to us. Thank you for giving my son a safe place to live.

Yesterday was a fantastic day. A great way to start off my week with Isaiah. First, he slept in his crib for all of his naps yesterday (which is a major accomplishment since he had NEVER done it before), second, I went to the doctors and got the go ahead that I can now resume all normal activity, and third, my super duper cute labels from amazinglabels.com came in. Oh yeah! and fourth, Isaiah did this:




I've realized I'm obsessed with the color green. Actually, I realized this obsession as I was looking around my house and saw the green pillows, green photo album, Isaiah looking super cute in a green onesie, the green diaper bag, Isaiah's green bedding, my green shirt...I don't know where the love of green came from, but I love the color green. Kelly green, mint green, lime green, sage green and of course, Christmas green. I think I could have my whole house green and I would be a-ok with it. Well, I would need to have splashes of bright blue, yellow, loads of brown and a hint of orange. Such random colors but they sure do make me happy. Maybe it's my love of nature and wanting to bring it into my house. Suburbia doesn't always have the best "natural" settings to go walk in. Yes, there are the beautiful trees strategically placed and the perfectly mowed lawns~my mum refers to this area as "stepford village." Some might find it offensive, but you know what, this area is kind of like Disneyland with everything so well maintained. It is nice have everything so manicured, but how I dream of living with wide open spaces, rolling hills, mature trees that God himself put there and a place where my kids can run free all the quiet of the backyard. Maybe one day....if only this dream could be combined with the city...oh how life would be perfect. :)

an ode to my animals....

I have two wonderful creatures that live with me & my hubby and now Isaiah.
First animal is my pretty little kitty: Lexicon Jasmine. For short we call her Lexi. How did we come up with such a bizarre name? Brian named her. Lexicon is a type of lighting board (if I remember correctly) and we figured that we should name our animals the weirdest names so that we didn't want to name our kids weird off the wall names.
This is Lexi. A sweet, freakishly small, ridiculously shy, loves to eat our eyelashes while we sleep cat. We call her our love child. The day we got back from our honeymoon (4 years and one month ago), we went to my parents house to open all of our wedding gifts and heard there were free kittens at a house nearby. I pleaded with Brian and, he gave in. Lexi was the cat that wouldn't come to me and was petrified of people. She was hiding under a table and shaking. I was in love. When I was pregnant she would come curl up on my lap and lay her head on my belly. She either thought it was an awesome pillow, or knew she had to keep my belly safe. I like to think the latter. When we brought Isaiah home from the hospital, she was spooked. She was happy to see me, but not the thing that I was holding. That didn't last long though. Now she's back to herself, jumping on my lap and curling up next to me~especially when I'm feeding Isaiah. She's a little momma herself. She doesn't like many people, and I love that she feels safe with me.

This is Daisy. Our first dog. Our "if we can keep a dog alive and trained, then we're ready to have kids" dog. My puppy. She's a little over 2 years old and still has that puppy spirit. She still gets excited when we come home~even if we've only been gone for a moment. I got to name her, and I couldn't come up with anything clever. I wanted to use a musical term, but couldn't think of anything. I mean, who wants to be yelling out "come here forte!"? Lame. So, we named her Daisy. When I was pregnant, Daisy would sniff my belly. When I became huge, just like Santa Claus, she became very aware that something was changing. Then, when the stroller, the highchair, and the pack n play came into the house, she was very aware. When we brought Isaiah home from the hospital, Daisy wanted to sniff. and lick. When he cried for the first time, Daisy whined and paced back and forth like she was begging us to make him stop. Now she just buries her head in her bed and tries to sleep through it. I love this dog. We were the proud owners when she passed through puppy training. And, well, scoffed at the other dogs who didn't, who couldn't hold a flame to our dog.
I love these animals. They drive me crazy at times, but when they cuddle and give the cutest looks, I melt. I can't wait for Isaiah to love on these animals....I'm sure there will be more pulling of ears and tails before there is actual "love" but you get my drift.

I can't help but post when I get a cute picture of him smiling.....

green

Over the past year or so, I've realized the importance of being eco-friendly. I know, you might roll your eyes and think that I too have jumped on the band wagon of this buzz word and might even think that I have crossed over to the dark side of left wing/liberal thinking for using such a phrase. It might be a social way of thinking for some, but for me, it's been a change in my view of the environment and how I can protect it. No, you won't find me waving some flag to stop global warming or to save the latest creature going extinct. What you will find me doing, is learning how to leave a smaller carbon footprint on the planet. You know, those simple things that the tree huggers have been talking about for years that we should be doing that us conservative minded people are just now getting through our thick heads like: turning off lights when not in a room, opening up windows instead of turning on the AC, recycling, reusing, taking reusable bags to the store (and using them!) instead of the pesky plastic and paper that they offer in every store, shorter showers, not watering the grass as often, yadda, yadda. But it's gone deeper for me recently with the birth of Isaiah than just these simple things that any true blooded American can do. Did you know that using one diaper like Huggies or Pampers takes about 200 years to decompose in a landfill? Yep, you heard me right. 200 years. So if Isaiah were to wear one of said diapers, it would decompose by the time his great-great grandchildren were born. The magnitude of that is overwhelming to me. I want to show Isaiah how to live a more sustainable life than I have for the past 20 something odd years. No, he doesn't need to go live in some hut in the middle of the forest and only eat berries and whatever else the earth produces, but he needs to understand the magnitude of what we have been doing to the planet for the past 100 years or so and how we can make a difference. I don't want him to be surrounded by landfills, I want him to be surrounded by nature. Right now, this is an extraordinary task because people don't want to change. My hope is that one day it will be ordinary for everyone and that no one can imagine using anything but their reusable bags and eco-friendly diapers.

So, here is my "green" tip for you moms out there. Instead of picking up the popular diaper brand, pick up a biodegradable diaper brand. They are a tad more expensive, but when you think about a few extra dollars, or 100s of years in a landfill, the answer should be without a doubt to spend a few extra bucks to keep our landfills down. We've been using Seventh Generation diapers and I'm very pleased with them. They are simple, chlorine free, and will biodegrade in a landfill in 2-3 years instead of 200.

blank thoughts

I've been thinking about what to write today for my little blog, and nothing comes to my mind. Just blank.thoughts. I don't get it. One day I feel my mind is full with thoughts that the world needs to hear, and then the next there's nothing. Nothing! How does that happen?

I do know that the thoughts (when they appear) that swirl around my head have to do with baby clothing, diapers, well, really anything having to do with baby and traveling. I need to travel....and soon. The hubby gets the itch to move about every 6 to 9 months after we've moved into a new place; but I get the itch to travel every 6 to 9 months. Brian and I love to travel. We've been to quite a few places since being married and now I need to start thinking about where the next place we will visit. Of course, it has to be somewhat kid friendly which really changes the type of place we would vaca at. Maybe a cruise....see! random thoughts swirling around.

Isaiah is 1 month old now and is out of his newborn clothes. Does it keep passing by this fast? He's already smiling at me, and cuddling me and about an hour ago, he turned over onto his side for the first time. I'm holding on tightly to these moments-I don't want to forget how small he is, how he giggles, and looks at me like I'm his saving grace. I can't forget. I won't.

the ugly truth. sucks.

I understand now why moms don't go out of the house not looking put together. And the moms that do go out of the house looking like you-know-what you kinda look at them with your head cocked to the side and ask what on God's green earth happened to them? Well, that's what I thought when I saw them. I swore up and down I wouldn't be either type of those moms. I wouldn't be the one that had to be all done up but I for sure wouldn't look like a walking zombie. I am a walking contradictory. Not only did people come to my house today while I wore sweats and sported a spit up stained shirt, all I could think about is: must. hide. the raccoon eyes. I've never been one to wear make up on a consistent basis. I don't think I ever really needed it. Until now. I was hoping that I was going to be able to find some common ground between looking all done up and looking like death....like this cool, hip, "I make this look easy" being a mom deal. yeah right. But now, I'm not so sure. My insides are tired. freakishly tired. So to even think about hiding this tiredness with foundation and mascara seems absurd. Did I mention I don't have any summer clothes? And shopping for clothes....not something I want to do, but I think I kinda have to. I can't live in sweats forever. The ugly truth is that no one told me that I wasn't going to magically fit back into my clothes. Oh, my poor clothes. I haven't seen my clothes for 10 months now. Who knew I would be so attached to clothes. I'm not that type of person....but when you take so much away from a girl-physically.....oh you get the picture. hopefully. I no longer wonder what's wrong with those moms who look like you-know-what. I empathize with them now. Note to self: don't judge a mommy who looks like a train ran over them. Because, well, you've become one yourself.

the magic blanket, white noise and smelling summer

There are two things that Isaiah needs to have a peaceful nap. The "swaddle me" (aka magic blanket/lifesaver/or as my older brother fondly put it as: a straight jacket) and his white noise. The magic blanket is this marvelous invention some desperate mother I'm sure invented after getting tired of trying to use a receiving blanket to swaddle her child only to have him kick out of it moments later. This blanket was invented for Isaiah and his freakish cricket legs and arms (which will be discussed I'm sure on a later post) so that they are incapable of getting lose. The velcro on this thing is awesome. That box to the right of his head, that's the insides of the sleep sheep that a few mommies told the hubby about and out of desperation went and purchased. Best $28 spent. It makes "white noise" i.e. rain, ocean, heartbeat and whale noises. Isaiah prefers the rain and the ocean~the whale sound is kinda creepy. Once you wrap him in the magic blanket and turn the white noise on, he's out like trout almost instantly. Amazing. I wish I had my own magic blanket to get me to sleep that quickly.




Knowing that summer is here for me, means the smell of fresh cut grass. Seriously. Not the smell of a baseball field and the screaming fans, or the BBQ ready for the first meat of the season to sizzle away on it, and not even the smell of sunscreen. For me, it's that smell right after the grass has been mowed and edged-as if it were a warm embrace for the children to come run on or for the special blanket that has the sole purpose for where your rump sits so you don't get those pesky grass stains. I know, random. But today, I smelled summer and it was oh-so-sweet. It brings me back to my childhood when I would have been dead asleep on a Saturday morning to be awaken by my dad mowing the lawn. I'm sure at the time I would have liked to have screamed out "stop the madness! Do you have any idea what time it is?!?!" but now, my nose remembers that familiar smell and reminds me that summer is here. I wonder what smells Isaiah will remember that will bring him back to those special memories that we have yet to create.

a smile and a binky

A smile. A simple, simple smile. Could you imagine learning how to smile for the first time? What an organic natural thing for us as humans to learn. I am not capable of teaching my son such a unique, special talent that will stick with him for the rest of his life. He was born with this ability and he taught himself to move the correct muscles in his face to cause such joy to be apparent on his face. I love watching him smile. It makes waking up at 3:30am completely worth it. Do you see how his eyes smile? I hope he never loses the joy that he has on his face.



A friend of mine gave me a book that she wrote called "Days of Whine and Noses"....a book for the "tuckered out" mom. During a few free moments that I had I read the chapter that's all about binkies. Fortunately for me, thus far in my motherhood journey of 3 weeks and 3 days, Isaiah doesn't need his binky. I give it to him when he has the freakish urge to suck and that's it. But I'm getting way off in what I wanted to say. In this chapter about "binkies," Lisa talks about how its a comfort measure for the baby. And then she poses the question, what's mommy's comfort measure? What did I do before baby to help me relax? She reminds us mommies how important it is to find what relaxes us and what makes us happy and do it. I don't know if I have something that I do that makes me happy. I enjoy reading, being creative, making music, watching TV, hanging with friends...but I've never really done anything on a consistent basis that makes me go 'ahhh.' I guess I need to find a hobby. A good one that I can stick with and not blow off mid way through. So here's to finding a hobby whatever it may be so that I have my own binky to help me relax.

screaming child and grey's anatomy

I'm not sure how good I'll be at this whole blog thing, but I've decided to give it a try. Why would I not be at good at this? Well, for starters the screaming baby in the background makes it really hard to concentrate on anything. All I can think about is: must stop baby from crying. But, with Daddy home for a few more moments, I'll attempt to put these jumbled thoughts down and hope that my 5 hours of rest from last night will make sense on paper...even though I'm typing on a computer.

I'm an avid Grey's Anatomy follower. I've been hooked on the show really from the beginning and now that I am home for the summer with Isaiah, there are 3 episodes on every day on Lifetime. yay. :) But one of the BEST episodes is when Derek and Meredith FINALLY get back together and she's standing outside his trailer and she's mapped out their whole house in candles. But, she says something that struck such a chord with me. She says something along the lines of: we can be ordinary people by ourselves or live to be extraordinary together. I want to be extraordinary. The kind of person that leaves a legit impact. Even if it just impacts my little baby boy and my husband....I want them to remember me as being extraordinary. So, I'm going to have to figure that out on how I can live such a life. Wish me luck and maybe I'll be somewhat inspiring to you on learning how to live an extraordinary life.